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Friday, July 31, 2009


bullhead 31July09

I saw in action and paid attention to find what it is about opposition that helps good things come to pass. One, it makes you alert and more conscious than without it. Opposition also creates drive, determination, calls the will onto the playing field. It tightens up the slack. You learn to play tennis better with an opponent than hitting the ball at a wall. Seeing life as a game, opposition makes the game. Without opposition there is no game. It's the nature of duality, action-reaction, force-antiforce, a basketball game.

Perfectly obvious, now that I take a look at it. Until now I'd get impatient with opposition and want to get excited and mad and gripe about it. Now I see it as my helper, even my servant. Like when somebody hates you, think of them as a bar of soap giving you a good scrubbing, taking the dirt off you and onto themselves. That explains it good enough for me why hate is best left to others. Also, it feels all tight inside, a feeling some people crave and thrive on, makes them feel alive. I understand that; it's an easy thing to do. Emotion, stormy sea within is rather dramatic. It adds drama to an otherwise boring life. Emotion is the core of all drama. Emotion is a beautiful part of life.

In my musings over the years of getting emotion under control so it doesn't carry me away, I found that for myself, whatever the emotion is, I can entertain it as long as I want to, feel indignant, smug, self-satisfied, look at it, watch it, but don't act on it if it registers in the negative, because negative and positive both come back. Automatically, do unto others as you'd have them do unto you, comes into play and I realize if I don't want any negative vibrations coming at me, don't put any out. Obviously, I've put out something hateful unaware of it, because it sure is coming back in spades. I don't recall ever being this kind of hateful, but that doesn't matter. I think of it like Jr says, God puts every experience before him to get through it, one after the other. What's going on in this life is doing what God gives you to do and solving the riddles as they come along. Deal with it.

I like that, because for one thing, I believe it already, but like it in itself because it recognizes a very personal relationship with God. And total acceptance. In his own life he had the life of Job; it made him wise. Every time a calamity hit his life like a meteorite, he rebuilt and went on. He's had a hard life emotionally and physically, came through with a smile, dealt with each blow as an incomprehensible gift from God. Evidently that's how it was, because, again, it made him wise.

But now with his mind fading, he's losing his mind, though his heart is the same. Who he is remains the same, no matter how foggy his mental landscape becomes. Two of Jr's friends came by today, separately, and he told each one about the relatives with the passion to get him back in the nursing home. He was so traumatized by their betrayal, and continues to be, he talks of little else, afraid they might actually have the power they're pretending to have, and put him in what he calls the insane asylum. I told him they'll have to kill me first. I already know they want to. But it's illegal. I go to Heaven. The one that does it goes to prison. Who wins?

This is what I mean by the servitude of opposition. My will is such on this matter that I will have to be killed to let them torment Jr further. Opposition brought that up. Opposition inspired my firm stance. Opposition brought into play the philosophy, hunt the snakes. Opposition put me on guard, ready for whatever they throw my way. A relative of Supercop told me today, "Watch your back." I took it for the experienced counsel that it was, already knew to keep an eye back there, but good to hear it spoken in words. Sticks in my mind better.

See how fired up I got? Opposition did that. It keeps me on alert and ready to go at any moment, which is where I want to be anyway. And in the martial arts, you're most ready in a relaxed condition. Like don't worry, be happy. Let A Whiter Shade of Pale play in my mind and feel the feeling the song gives me, relaxing emotionally and so good-worded. For the radio show in the morning, I'm thinking about playing songs sung by women; Alice Gerrard, Hazel Dickens, Elizabeth LaPrelle, Emily Spencer. I've been so beset by negative feminine energy, it will be a good thing to spend an hour enclosed in a bubble of positive feminine energy, sending some nurturing feminine energy out over the county in the early part of the day.

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