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Wednesday, May 8, 2013



The child abuse situation took a turn on Monday morning. Justin does not need to jeopardize his own life with manslaughter charges or kick some ass. The state of North Carolina will be doing the ass kicking for him. I imagine by now the man that hits children to hurt them is looking at his future as a big black hole about to swallow him. I can only feel sorrow for him, because the punishment, in my way of seeing, is greater than the crime. But that's not my call. America is a venal society. He'd have got off better with one good ass-kicking and ball bat bruises on his head from Justin. That would have set him straight. But this is better. He was wrecking a little girl's life, and now it's his life that is wrecked. Thanks to him, little girl will now have a life.

tree dance

She's a tough little kid who has already been through a lot at 5. The hitting hurt like hell, but it was also what she was used to. The worst part is getting used to it. Now she can feel safe, cared for, protected. One thing she knows at the age of 5 is her daddy will protect her. The fear she's lived with will fade away. Her daddy will also teach her over time how to protect herself. She's already a good fighter, living with a half-brother 3 years older, who is seething with anger as a child does who lives in fear. The day I saw the boy, I noted to Justin the importance of getting the girl away from him before he goes into puberty. The growth hormones in fast food burgers are bringing kids into puberty sooner than ever now. The girl was in severe danger.

red umbrella
The last couple of days have been about the happiest of my life. My eyes have been wet all day both days, and many times dropping a tear from joy. I didn't realize how much I cared about her, loved her. I didn't realize how important we are to each other. I'd only see her a time or two a month, and then she was on short-term vacation, jumping out of her skin from her nervous condition living in fear. When she ran to me and clung to me the rest of the time I was at the house, I realized I must be something like a grandpa for her she shares her joy with. I pay attention to her is probably what did it. I forget that adults don't pay attention to kids except to correct them. When an adult pays attention to a kid, for the kid it is a big deal, noticed by a grownup as something besides in the way. I automatically connect with a kid with eye contact and listen to what they want to tell me, regarding the individual within the same as I regard the individual within an adult. The only difference I see between a child and an adult is size and experience.


The experience part is the key word. Human adults have such powerful and complex psychic energy, I have a hard time with too much of it. I recall the Zatoichi movies, Japanese, of Zatoichi the Blind Swordsman. He was a samurai monk. His walking stick was his sword. When the sword left its sheath it drew blood. He could feel psychic energy from adults. No adult could slip up on him from behind or any direction. Children could slip up on Zatoichi, because they're not radiating the energy we adults give off like the scent of a skunk that precedes it. Zatoichi loved the children and the children loved him. There are a couple of Zatoichi movies, both of them good films. Steven Seagal's character that ran through his different roles was based in Zatoichi. Like Zatoichi, he took care of children and drunks. Zatoichi comes to mind whenever I feel especially intense energy radiating from somebody. His eyes could not see, but he had this gift of seeing energy.


I feel happy all the way around. I'm struggling for a word all day I can't find. The impulse is to say I am proud of Justin for who he is. But proud is not the word. It's the easy word for what I'm feeling, not the word itself. To say proud is like I'm taking credit for something. It's not me, it's him. I've known him all his life and I know he has in him what he is showing right now. Like he said to me on the telephone earlier, "I'll die for my young'uns." It was not an idle cliché spoken for the sound of it. I know he means it. His young'uns will grow up knowing that. I know one little girl whose daddy is her super-hero. That's what I've been seeing that has my sea of emotion in big waves, a helpless and hopeless little child living in fear and anger, rescued, safe, loved, understood, appreciated, starting over with all new clothes, even a new school where she has cousins. No mementos of bad memories. It's more awe I feel for Justin than pride. It's awe to see Justin with such stature as a man. And it's not that he's doing the right thing so much as seeing it an expression of his heart, the emotional health of his heart. Through this experience I've seen that Justin's heart and his mind work together as one. That's what I'm in awe of.

swimming pool


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