Monday, July 23, 2012
My head has been infected again by my mother's belief system. She sent a Fw: email that looked to me like she appealed to her church for prayer that I'd get right with Satan; I'm not afraid enough of the the dark side to suit her. She wouldn't think of it as the dark side. Her terms are hell and Satan. I don't even feel right writing those words, just because naming gives power. One of the church parrots sent her a Fw: email to forward on to somebody they don't even know, something to convince the infidel that if I'm not sufficiently afraid of the dark side, here's something that will put the fear of the devil in ye. Too boring, too long, and I'm not interested in reading a silly fiction about Satan's power, especially the fundamentalist version. It was to the affect that on my Judgment Day, the Trial will be overseen not just by God, but Satan too. Ho hum. This is from fundamentalists. Kansas Baptists. Creationists. I couldn't read the thing. Skimmed it and about puked. If I didn't understand that she's on automatic pilot and can't help herself, I'd be pist off at the affront to basic intelligence. She's a missionary at heart. It's her duty to browbeat.
My experience in the fundamentalist Baptist religion went from 1949 to 1960, ages 7 to 18. Even then, I was wary of too much emphasis on the dark side. I've seen since then the political stirring up of cement-head religionists by the Reaganista dark cabal increasing emphasis on the dark side among the Baptists. I maintain that when an entire religious sect approves a guy shooting a doctor through his kitchen window with a high-powered rifle because he performs abortions, that religious sect is quite obviously influenced by the dark side. And I believe that comes from so much emphasis given to Satan. I don't recall any emphasis on compassion when I was in the church back then. I wondered why all the emphasis was on YOU BETTER NOT, rules and regulations. I found a place where Jesus said to forget about dotting the i's and crossing the t's. It's not about punishment and walking the tightrope of misinterpretation of a basic English word that's in every dictionary, strait. It aint straight. Jesus talked about love and forgiving, the spiritual path. The Baptists I grew up among were about punishment, guilt, you-better-not-or-else, control, emphasis on fear, and browbeating others. Love was a four-letter word, best spoken in quotation marks.
It's fear mommy is afraid I don't have enough of. Her church made an atheist of me. What more can I say? Flushing all that mess out of my head over a period of 15 years, I saw religion was about the few controlling the many, the way of the "World." That secularizes it for me. After the great inner flush I was clear enough to be able to recognize that I had never dismissed Jesus as the Christ. So I wasn't an atheist. It turned out to be the starting point of my spiritual path independent of religion when I had an experience that made it clear to me that God indeed Is. Once I saw that, there's nothing to do but live what I know. It doesn't mean go to church. This is not between me and the produce manager at the grocery store who called himself to preach; it's between me and God, if the word between applies. I'm on my own spiritual path, which is not about the mission field. In my belief system, words are cheap to meaningless. I trust my actions to tell who I am and what I'm about.
I've learned by this time in my life only to hear someone's explanation of self, defining of self in a getting-to-know-you situation like at a cocktail party or first day on a new job, without giving it much importance. Getting to know new people, I pay attention to them, allow them to be themselves, be it pristine or awkward. I tend not to ask questions, except I commonly ask people where they live or where they are from. I'm of the belief that I really only want to know about a given individual what I see and what the individual wants to tell me. I don't want to know other people's secrets or even the gossip about them. I tend to give the benefit of the doubt until taught not to. My approach to others is allowing, not controlling. In reply to mother's email, I noted that I don't need the devil in my life, she can keep him to herself. That is my meaning in the fewest possible words. I'm not interested in empowering the dark side with my attention, especially fear. My way is my own spiritual path, which is within, like the kingdom of heaven.