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Thursday, November 3, 2011


     jessica stockholder, installation, 1990

It's looking like I've passed the place where I have the illusion of a foundation anymore. It's like the world I knew has gone away and a new world has replaced it. The same happened to my grandparents and to parents, and now I'm seeing it. We come up and learn the world one way, and all the time it's changing until one day I wake up in the morning and it's not a world I know anymore. I don't mean the pop music, because what I hear happening now I've heard all the way along from 50s through psychedelic through punk to now, post-punk? There comes a time when what I once took for entertainment has become a racket, noise. Conversations that used to amuse me now bore me. Books I once thought were the best ever, I can't read today. I think, how did I ever find that interesting? That part and tv, I Love Lucy to whatever they're doing today, none of it I ever found interesting.

In the 6th grade I saw Battle At Apache Pass starring Michael Ansara as Cochise. If you'd asked me his name I couldn't have answered it. It just flowed out while I wasn't thinking about it. I loved it. Very big deal movie for me. I'd be afraid to see it now. White guys with wigs and man-tan on their arms and faces. I'd kind of like to see it again just to see how far film has come since early 50s and how far I have come since early 50s. I remember seeing Claudette Colbert in movies in Jr hi, and Susan Hayward movies. Foxy women of the day. 78s are gone, 45s are gone 33s are gone, 8tracks are gone, cassettes are gone, cds are almost gone. 33s are coming back. I've been rock & roll crazy since 1955. I still appreciate Allman Brothers to listen to, Siouxsie Sioux, the Clash, the Stones, Bob Dylan and a great long list of others. Like good blues of the 30s and 40s, a lot of the older rock is that kind of timeless, esp the Rolling Stones. If I were to put on a Stones album now, any of them, I'd have to stop writing, because it would pull me in like a vacuum hose. I love it that they're turning 70 and they can rock the socks off anybody that wants to move to good music.

I don't mean to think of the music as what has slipped away, but using the music as a measure of the time involved over the last 50+ years, the area where the changes are most visible in the pop world. It's all spelled out in the art world when you have the eye to see it. The arrival of rock & roll threw a lot of people for a loop in its time, esp bluegrass musicians. They were out all of a sudden. Big bands and crooners were out. Blues was out. I think we've been through another such time as the coming on of rock & roll. This time it's downloading and facebook and linkedin and myspace and twitter, constantly interacting with others by gadgets; cell phones that take pictures and make videos and you can watch movies on. These are the parts of today that hav gone away from my interest. I'm not interested in any more newness, though it is ongoing. I've give out from it. I don't care how many million hits Lady Gaga's videos get. It's getting to where I don't want to hear the news anymore. What I'm seeing now is the corporate world (our government) bearing down on us (we the people) like we're the enemy. I'm seeing it's begun.

From here to the end of my life I see myself hunkering down, living on the least I can possibly live on, if I'm able to do that. Since my awareness of government, my government has only lied to us. I've a feeling that in my lifetime I have seen our government turn on we the people. That's been the nature of the progression since WW2, our government turning against us. The USA is in sadder shape than is known, because television is a smoke screen with a big smile on its face, dance music on the Titanic. We're told to spend more money. I can't help but see it a travesty that all the people the banks bilked out of millions and millions per individual, flattened an awful lot of people's bank accounts, then the banks get baled out, but the people that got bilked, well, fuck you. The people in government now are not directing government; it is directing them. It's become like Hal the computer in 2001 Space Odyssey. Makes me want to crawl in a hole like the Feral Kid in Road Warrior. Say good-bye to all that. It's a shame to see the democracy experiment go down, derailed by the dark side within.

Looking at what's happening in Europe now with Euro economy being thrown into possible chaos overnight, fear of the domino effect of one, then another, then another, like they said countries would fall to Communism in the 50s justifying the Korean and Vietnam wars to us, the audience. Very real fear of Euro economy going down like dominoes, USA and Canada too, and maybe China. South America and Africa some of the first to go down. The poor people seem to always get hit hardest. It looks like tornadoes are drawn perhaps by the scent of mobile homes. Where the poor people live is where they hit. Sometimes it looks like God hates the poor. Like in Haiti, like in Ethiopia, like in Chad, like in Bangladesh, like in New York City, like in every American city, like in Alleghany County. It's not God that hates the poor, but people that hate them for being failures. In America, we punish the poor by making it all the harder on them. They pay dearly. I've an idea Aldous Huxley and George Orwell hit the bullseye, rang the bell, said, This is where you're headed if you don't watch it. Here we are.

The prophecies. Oh Lord have mercy. I don't even want to think about them. This is that time. This is that very time. Evidently, all that's left of the Revelations prophecies to come to pass is the Armageddon war, the climax it was all leading up to since the time of WW1. I think I have some recollection of a horde from the east overwhelming Israel. Could that be the entire Islamic world all the way to China and Indonesia? It might be called jihad. An overwhelming tide of people would be hard to stop when it kept coming on and coming on and all they had was kitchen knives. Things are heating up in that zone. It's very weird. I think we all have to be here for this and things are lining up for whatever it is that's going to climax the whole story. I'd rather not have to be involved with money, but there's no way around it. All of us will be subject to it in varying degrees. If it works out that the money goes away for everyone, we'll go to helping each other out, borrowing flour and sugar again, perhaps having big community gardens. We'll need to take care of one another. That won't be so hateful. They could be the best days and years of our lives. Stories written about in novels for years to come.


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