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Monday, May 30, 2011

ON KNOWING ONESELF

found art: wheel! of! fortune!


A day of mild temperatures, no wind, no hail storms, no lightning storms, no torrential rain. It's almost like it wasn't a day at all, an all-day stasis of sunshine and short-sleeve conditions. It's such an unusual time when we're not having some kind of cosmic event, it makes me wonder if a day like today can even be called a day. It's like a period of time of nothing. I forget that weather means the good times too. Even a pleasant day is weather. I looked at the 5day forecast at weather.com and it's thunderstorms every day, 30 and 40 percent chance. Just like last week. The back glass in the car is nearly opaque at night, though good enough during the day that I seldom think to clean the inside except at night. Today I went out and went after the inside of the glass lying down in the back seat. Very difficult glass to clean, but I got er done. It just about takes a yoga practitioner.



Crystal is about to have her baby. She's scheduled it for Monday by inducing labor. She's a career girl, can't wait around to let it happen like she's got nothing else to do. Get er done. Monday, next to the last day in May, Gemini. I believe I'll get Crystal a horoscope chart through tarot.com. They give awfully good readings there. I say "good," because everything I've done at the site rings true all the way and every time. I've done some astrological investigations there and some tarot. When it comes to defining who I am, there is nothing like my astrological chart. When I read it, I read who I am. It doesn't mean I'm necessarily restricted to what it says. Rather, it's that if I'm in the flow with my own self, this is who I am. If I go contrary to who I am and spend my life swimming upstream, I can break the connection and make it something like the TaoTeChing to a westerner, opaque.



I don't see how there can be anything "mystical" to astrology, tarot, divination cards, numerology, I Ching, when they all tell the same thing per individual. I've checked them all out on my own nature, and all of them nail it to a T, saying the same things in their own ways. I'm remembering somebody I used to know for a relatively short period of time, a year or so in a work situation, who wanted to see what his astrological chart said. When he saw it, he rejected and denied everything. I was a bit taken aback, as I saw it read his beads down to the detail. He was, and still is, so totally out of touch with his inner self that when he's face to face with it, what he sees is not-himself. It scared him. I believe it scared him, because it told him he's that part of himself he's suppressed all his life, that part of himself that's something on the order of a real person. It's not that he's gay, but that he's locked down in shoulds and oughtas and his real self has never had a chance to be, whatever it is.



Whenever I use astrology or tarot, it's to get a perspective of where I am on my path, if I'm on my path, everything in relation to my spiritual path that is sometimes difficult to discern in a world where only the material is regarded real. For me, the tarot and astrology see into the subconscious and give me a sense of how my "conscious" mind is doing in relation to my path, or who I am at the core. In my first several years of exploring these various ways to insight into self knowledge, which, by the way, Jesus recommended in 2 words, thereby affirming Socrates: know thyself, I found them opaque and contrary to life as I knew it. I found the way of the spirit paradoxical. I don't see it that way anymore. I see it the other way around, where now the material world has become opaque to me and contrary to life, paradoxical. I don't mean to say I'm fully tuned in to my own nature, but a whole lot more now than used to be. At least I recognize myself by my true nature.



I recall a meeting with a psychic in Charlotte several years ago, back when I knew Jim Rhodes, my optometrist. He knew of the psychic and we drove to Charlotte one day to see her. I think we mutually disliked each other first sight on the spirit level. First thing she said was she wanted to see my hands. I held my hands so she could see the open palms. She studied them a bit and said in a gruff, demanding voice: Who are you? I didn't know what to say. Name, rank, serial number? So I said, I'm here for you to tell me. She said she's not into space. When she looks at my hands all she sees is space. She wanted to know what I was doing here, like I was a from a space coalition different from her own. I told her I don't know about anything like that. The only part that disturbed me was that what she saw in me freaked her out. She kept on that I was from space, an alien, and wanted to know what I was doing here on earth in this time. How in the hell can I answer a question like that? Uh, trying to find my way home, like a homing pigeon, but without the internal knowing, the impulse without the ability. Like Johnny Depp's character said of himself at the end of the movie BLOW, My ambition far exceeded my talent.



I didn't quite know what to make of the psychic. Basically, all I could see was she didn't like me and I didn't like her. It was a personality thing, nothing else. I took her for a fraud. She took me for Tom Corbett, Space Cadet, early 50s television. Or something. She never said. She told me my people pick me up in the night while I sleep and take me for rides in their space ships. How come I didn't know any of this? Why wouldn't I even have remote memory of going on joy rides in space with my buddies? Seems like it would turn up in dreams. I can't help but think she was off in some remote place, herself. She told me some interesting details about recent past lives that rang true. Nothing big deal like I was Napoleon--not me, but real life possibilities that help explain understandings I've had without experience to aid or inform understanding.



The funny part of her asking who I am, the aspect of it that made me laugh so much inside I had a hard time taking it seriously, was when she said, Who are you? The band The Who came to mind, Who are you? who-who? who-who? I still have a hard time coming up with an answer to that question. Just another Joe, is about the best I can do. I don't see that I have any special karma that separates me from everybody else with something they don't have. I'm just one of the souls in a body experiencing earth in this time along the path of the evolution of civilization. One of the things I have learned in this lifetime is social change is slow, glacial slow. So is individual change. The difference on the surface may be quite big, but just below the surface is the place where things don't change so fast.



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