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Tuesday, February 2, 2010


jr 3 jul 09

Jr has been in my mind much of the day, almost like he was here with me in spirit. I've missed him. Not like I wish he was back kind of missing, but he's not here to drop in on. This morning it was a momentary feeling that I'd like to see Jr. Another time I was thinking about someone I know who was talking to me the other day about a conflict he's thinking about jumping into. Just thinking about it, suddenly I saw Jr and he advised that whatever you decide, you have it to live with. Consider that while you decide. It's easier for you all the way around to get along with the people around than to be in dispute.

It happened a few times before that I saw an image of Jr and sound counsel was given, never advice, just something to think about. Do what you will after you've thought about it, but give it thought. When they happened I didn't anticipate it would be ongoing, that Jr would appear, then tell me something and be gone from time to time. This might have been the 3rd time. It falls in line with what I actually believed about him while he was living, that I was sent to him by God for Jr to be a teacher for me on the spiritual level. All the time I took care of him, I saw it as the monk taking care of the old abbot, the wise one, in his most vulnerable time. Perhaps appearing to me like this is his gift for the care.

Whatever it is, it brings to mind the evening of his passing when I came home from the day's social activity after dark, stepped out of the car, closed the door, and heard a hoot owl hoot. It was close by. In daylight I could have seen it. Simultaneously, I knew it was Jr speaking to me, saying hi from spirit. I hooted back. Not a perfect imitation by any means, but a reply. I feel like he's with me when I'm driving his car. It's not a presence like there's a ghost in the seat beside me, not at all like that. I suppose it's his car and it makes me think of him. What I feel inside is what I felt when he'd be sitting in the passenger seat and I'm driving, protective. Then I was protecting Jr in his helpless time. Driving the car, I feel protective toward it, like it's Jr's car and mine to take care of. I find myself driving slower now. An old man in an old man car.
A 93 Buick Century is the old man car itself. I understand. It's an all around good car. It's lasted 16 years in excellent condition. Negligible rust. Doesn't burn oil and runs like new after the tuneup. At the bank's drive thru window, I usually turn the motor off. Today I let it run in that small tunnel where I could hear the echo of the running engine bounce off the wall beside my open window. It sounded good. I sat listening to it like
it's Prince on the radio, My name is Prince, now let's get funky. It sounded so good that when the drawer opened with my money on it, I was disappointed. I could have listened awhile longer, it sounded so good.
I'm finding that my memory of Jr is not really idealizing him, but his image in my mind reminds me of an Eastern Orthodox icon of a saint. Driving through the curve on Air Bellows Gap Road where Cleary Road comes into it, I was seeing Jr painted as an icon, the image I see in my mind when he has something to say. This picture above is the closest I have of him to the image that appears in my mind. He speaks as he did after my truck burned up and he was letting me use his car to get around in. He said, lying in bed, worn out and tired, ready to turn over into sleep, he said lightly, "Take a fool's advice. Don't get in a hurry." These are the kinds of things he says to me when he appears in my mind.
I'm not going to get all woo-woo about it, like it's something strange and unusual, because I don't believe it is. I've talked with too many people who have had similar experiences and many more. For every one who will talk about it, there's probably a hundred or more that won't. I'm glad Jr is appearing in my mind to offer guidance, whether it's something my mind is doing, which has the highest probability in my way of seeing. The other is maybe it's Jr in spirit communicating from the other side. I can see that too. I can see it both ways. I'm most inclined to go with memory and imagination conceiving interesting ways of coming together to entertain me. As for the spirit world. I don't know anything about it. Don't want to. I'm satisfied it's there, but I need to learn how to get along in this world before I can go skitzing off into spirit world. I'm not sure I want to see both worlds going at once, which they are doing, like watching 2 different movies at the same time. Seems like it would get awfully confusing.
I'm curious about what's on the other side, but not enough to cross the double yellow line in front of a truckload of tree trunks. Lookout. Lookout. Lookout. Lookout. This is the time of living in a body, the right thing to be doing right now. I don't see any reason to be fantasizing about a Thomas Kincaid land called Heaven where everything is pretty and the same as paradise, whatever that is. I believe we're satisfied it's not a thousand virgins. Even a thousand runs out after awhile, so that's not paradise.
Sri Rama Krishna who lived in Calcutta in the last half of the 19th century told a story of 3 men walking along like on the way to work together. They pass a big wall. A ladder is leaning against the wall. They talk about climbing the ladder to see what's on the other side. One of them decided to have a look. He climbed the ladder and looking in he saw paradise, climbed over the top of the wall and never came back. Another one went up the ladder to see what happened after waiting until they became uncomfortable waiting. He saw paradise and went over the wall never to return. When he didn't come back, the 3rd man got scared and went on his way to work in a hurry.

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