REBELLION IN AMERICA

natural man

Kathmandu fell apart, Everest avalanched, cops at war with young black people in Baltimore, Crips and Bloods united in Baltimore to protect black people from the cops. Al Sharpton is going to Baltimore, following the cameras again. At least he has a new hairdo. Follow the news and see shameless people of every variety. Put a camera in front of somebody's face and they'll say anything you want. Seems like it would be a more certain way to get information from detainees than torture. Just aim a camera at them and they'll tell it all. Maybe this only applies to Americans. I'm glad to see rebellion against police brutality by the people the cops are most brutal toward. No matter how much it's justified, American police kill more people than anywhere in the world such that it's beyond shameless. Executioners. Maybe they like this word better than murderers. It looks more every year, and escalating fast, like the American police are at war with the American people. It's been growing since Nixon times "law and order." Next, "war on drugs." I saw something about a cop demanding respect and laughed. Took me way back to childhood, daddy demanding respect. I'd think, show me something I can respect. Didn't dare say it. Saying I'm glad to see the rebellion, I don't mean I'm glad to see the cops rally to an opportunity to beat up and torment young black guys in the zoo. I'm glad to see years of unspoken racial tension come to the surface, racism come forward and be proud. Only on the surface can social or personal issues be settled. It looks like American racism is having its day. The white robes are back, though this time they're blue. 

dogwood

The nature of the police state is racist, so racism is the nature of the police state. White people who still believe we have a democracy are freaking out over the people-of-color population now being 50/50 with whites. From here on, people of color outnumber whites. Democracy was shut down in the South after emancipation; the black people outnumbered the whites. Now, False News buffoon, Ann Coulter, mummy of an old belief system, is calling for literacy tests again for voting. Like voting matters. I have a hard time taking any of it seriously. Manipulation by corporate propaganda through television, by corporate control through legislation and the courts, including the supreme court, is how we live in America now. The land where money has been worshipped from the beginning is now ruled by money for money's interest only. Citizens are now enemies of the state, especially the poor. Fema has empty concentration camps all over the country. They are waiting for social conflict the manipulators know will be created in the near future. The police state is characterized by a dismissive arrogance toward the people, as illustrated by the governors in Wisconsin, North Carolina, Texas, Arizona, Florida and Kansas, to name a few, the entire US Congress, Senate, and the White House. Mammon does not like democracy. Mammon likes police state. Fascists always destroy their own countries. The fall of America is wrapped inside its fascist takeover. Like the old apocaloptimist said, It's gonna get worse before it gets better. The rest of the world will roar with sighs of relief.

bag lady rest area

I cannot offer a solution to what I see, except the momentum must play itself out. It will play itself out and I will stay out of it the best I can. Can't stay out of the economic collapse and can't stay out of manipulated social attitudes. I can be aware, however, of the manipulation enough to recognize it and bypass its influence. My closest friends pay no attention to news, government or history. I applaud them and never encourage them to give current events any mind. The only thing I have to say to them that I feel valid is get out of debt as fast as rationally possible. I tell Justin when hard times are here, you will be all right--you're able to make it without a steady job, by taking whatever job comes up, like house painting, carpentry, auto repair, hunting and much else. You will be helping people who cannot help themselves, the people who have only money, devoid of inner resources. They'll be paying you. Your role, because you have inner resources, will be helping others. Just don't let discouragement take you over. Hard times have a way of ending. Even the Civil War came to an end, whether yankees believe it or not. Younger, I wanted to get involved in social movements, be a part of the change toward democracy, but learned in 1968 the press was complicit with the corporate coup of five years before. The manipulators own the television networks and the press. They rule. Best for me to stay home and not get beat up and tormented by cops or killed without recourse for nothing. Better to stay at home, read a biography of Van Gogh and listen to recordings of Tibetan monks singing.

bridge and shadow

I'll give carrots to donkeys, hold my cat friend, Caterpillar, give sunflower seeds to birds, be a communal food kitchen for my near neighbors. If they eat anything in the christmas tree fields two-thirds of the way around the house and donkey meadow, they die. I suppose that if I give them plenty of what they like, they won't need to explore into the christmas tree fields for something to eat. Keep them close to the woods across the road where they live, away from the bugs coated with herbicides etc that have already killed everything that lives in the water. The world I live in is physical, emotional, mental and spiritual poison. I have no choice but live in it, but I don't have to be of it. Like in childhood under arational control, I'd think, You can control my body, but you can't do shit with my mind. My mind is my own. Of course, quite a lot of warping of the mind occurred that I've spent the rest of my life recovering from and reparenting. My search for innermost self, who I really am, is my spiritual path. I found an affordable (then) little hermitage on a back road to walk my path. I'm here for my own spiritual reasons, none of them social. I like to contribute to my community, though only in meaningful ways with purpose, not the frivolous. Justin told me recently when he was in high school he told his buddies to stay away from that old man on the mountain--he'll shoot your ass--he don't care. He said he did it because he knew them and wanted them to leave me alone. I treat others right, don't draw attention to self. A few days ago I was buying a pack of white paper for the printer at a new corporate store in town, the only place it's available. At the counter I was asked if I had my card. If so, I don't know. Was told to punch my phone number into a key pad. I asked, Why? To see if you have a card. I said, "I don't care. I just want to buy this." She looked at me like she couldn't believe somebody would refuse a three cent discount, if any. I said, "I am not of this world." It actually flowed out of my mouth without thought. There it was. She let it go and rang up the sale.

rock face

photos by tj worthington

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BREAKFAST WITH THE DONKEYS

jenny and jack

A day of sunlight. The donkeys soaked up the rays all day long. They like to take a siesta on the hay they're eating. Makes a good cushion and insulation for the cold ground. The sunlight keeps them warm on a cold day. I'd guess the donkeys' backs are covered with a half inch of dust. Seems like it would insulate against the cold and retain body heat. I touch either one of them on the back and a cloud of dust rises. I'm happy about my friendship with the donkeys. I've been seeing recently how trust between us has grown. I'm no longer careful about my fingers handing them carrots. I break the carrots into chunks of approximately three inches. Jenny or Jack's teeth touch my fingers and they withdraw on contact to the carrot. It will happen average once a morning. It happens because I'm less cautious. I don't bother to protect my fingers carrying hay into the meadow with Jenny on my left biting for a swatch of hay to chew on while we walk out into the meadow, Jack on my right tearing off his swatch to chew in transit. I used to be careful with fingers, but not anymore. They bite the hay close to my fingers without touching. Both are careful not to bite me. It's the karmic return for treating them right, for paying attention to them, not hitting or scolding them. It takes time to earn their trust. They are peaceable beings. In the meadow with each other all day, they are at home, in harmony. They play their donkey games. They enjoy each other. They have found a good balance of their personalities.

jack in foreground

Jack has been especially alert the last few weeks. The moment I open the door, no matter how quietly I turn the knob, no matter where the donkeys are in the meadow, Jack's head and ears are up and he watches to see which direction I'm going, to the car or to their gate. They know my rhythms as well as a dog or cat. Jack being Alpha, he's the one to notice first. Jenny see's Jack's head and ears go up and she looks to see what caught his attention. He will watch me turn toward our hay station. I call out, "Donkey Jack," and he breaks into a run, braying all the way. I harmonize with him. I've found a way I can sing along with him. Instead of attempting to imitate his voice, I sing in my voice. Where he says Honk-Honk, I say Oh-Oh. He brays longer when I sing with him than when I don't. He splutters and snorts at the end of a bray, coming down out of the mild trance a bray brings over him. He's slow to re-enter this reality. The snorting ends when his lips reach for the carrot. Jenny walks behind Jack, a slow, steady walk, in no hurry, but with a destination. She arrives at the fence ready for carrot. Handing a carrot to Jenny is something like handing a hotdog to a dog. A watch your fingers moment. As eagerly as Jenny goes after the carrot, her teeth touch my finger and she automatically withdraws to the carrot. They do it by feel. 

jenny and jack

I don't recall the last time I felt ill at ease walking between them out in the meadow. Putting down the hay this morning, I was loosening the hay for them next to Jenny. There was a time she did not like me nearby when she was eating. I tore the hay up in front of her while she ate from one of the square wafers I was tearing up. I waited for the one she was chewing on last. I picked it up while she was chewing on it and shredded it for her. She kept on chewing. Her eyes showed no apprehension or threat. A few times in the past she has growled at me with ears back for being too close while she was eating. I had to remind her I don't eat donkey food. This is the most recent measure of trust, allowing me to take hay from her mouth while she's eating. She knows I'm making the hay easier for her to eat. She's in a quiet mood. She follows Jack at her own pace. I feel like it is a phase of her pregnancy. She is four months along. She has an inward awareness that holds her attention within. She leaves wariness to Jack in his role as Alpha. Jenny's demeanor now is relaxed. She lets Jack be the lookout, keep his attention alert to surprises. At siesta time, she lies on the hay, head and ears up, still like she's in a meditation. Jack is especially alert for his baby doll. Jack adores his Jenny. I'm glad, too, to know them well enough that I can see the love between them. It is a mutual love they have. Jack would lay down rose petals for Jenny to walk on if he could. And walking on them, to Jenny, would be the same as making love. They know each other so well, they're becoming as one. 

jenny kicks up the hay with her nose

Turns out I was the match-maker in the donkey slave trade. Brought them together by buying them. I don't think of them as bought so much as found. My prayer is they will be kept together for life. They are such beautiful spirits, peaceful, calm, quiet, with deep inner stillness, I'm in awe standing beside them in the meadow, walking around among them. I know they're sensitive when eating, and I give them plenty of space. It is recently I've seen Jenny is no longer jealous of me while she's eating. We bonded deeply in the time she lost her baby. The two of them bonded more deeply and both bonded more deeply with me. I felt their pain and sorrow with them. We connected in the heart. It seems like every day we know each other one step better. I backed the car down to the hay barn today and brought them three bales in the trunk. They know what it means when I roll the bales down the hill to keep under the blue tarp. It's a happy time to see new bales of hay. It's a happy time for me to provide for them. In the hardest mornings of the winter, I felt no hesitation and no discomfort taking carrots and hay to them. I was glad to be doing it. Even when my fingers were freezing and feet slipping and sliding in mud, it was what I was doing at the moment, seeing to it my friends had something to keep their insides warm. If I were being paid to feed the donkeys, I'd feel like it was a sacrifice to suffer cold fingers. Taking their day's food to them in the morning is my love gift. It has no feeling of sacrifice about it. It's what I want to do.   

jack

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