The visit to Jr's grave was a spirited moment of good feeling, good communion between three of Jr's friends who dropped by on his 2nd death date and did the same thing we did last year. We each had a sip from some liquor Jr had given me several years ago that I've saved toward the end of the jug because I don't want it all to go away. It's the well I draw from for moments such as this. I went by and found Jr's cousin Claude's widow, Edith, and Claude's daughter, Melia, people who have known Jr all their lives, cousins. We went to the Joines cemetery in Whitehead. His grave was just inside the gate. We saw these buzzards and they didn't fly away when we walked through the gate. Edith said, "I've never seen that before." When we each had our sip I poured the rest on the grave. It felt right for all of us. It even felt like he was with us in spirit. Not in a woo-woo way, but simply a spirit way like he was there with us without the body. I thought of something Jesus had said, where two or three of you are gathered together in my name, I'll be in the midst thereof. It felt like that's how it was with Jr. We were gathered in his name and he was among us.
It made me wonder if this is a natural law of the spirit Jesus was showing us and telling us how it works, like he taught other natural laws such as what we put out comes back to us. The church education I had didn't look at these natural laws Jesus was telling us about, preferring the "commandments." If Jesus said it, it's a commandment. That drove me crazy. What was I to do, but believe it and feel like I have a mind that just doesn't get it. It seemed to me that he presented his so-called commandments as something to think about. You want a good life, here's how you get it. You don't want a good life, then it doesn't matter to you. Go ahead and have a lousy life. It seemed to me he was saying, if you want inner peace, this is the way. He pointed the way, led the way, explained the way. He said, I am the Way. He was so perfectly attuned to the Way that he could say he is the Way and not be stretching anything. The way to inner peace.
I can't help but find it interesting for myself that as I've been on my path slightly more than half my life, I note much of what Jesus and other scriptures emphasize is get along with the people around you. It's like that's the secret. Forgive. Love your neighbor. Generally he talks about treating other people right, giving the benefit of the doubt, turning the other cheek. We find inner peace by being at peace with the people around us. There's no way around it, we're of herd mind. We're social. We're not like cats that are solitary by nature. We want other people around us. We want relationships. We need other people. Treat them right, they treat you right, and it becomes a happy association. When you don't have somebody stalking you after threatening to kill you and you're looking over both shoulders all day every day, you have a degree of inner peace.
I think of Doc Watson on stage playing his guitar with his mastery, singing the old songs like only Doc Watson can sing them. He radiates love to his audience, and they return his love as many fold as there are people in the audience. As the love flows in a circle between him and the audience, the flow of love increases as Doc continues singing and keeping the flow in motion. After seeing La Vie En Rose, I have a feeling Edith Piaf kept the same kind of love flowing between her audiences and herself on stage. Ralph Stanley gets that love flowing in a concert. Larry Sigmon and Barbara Poole did too. I've never been in an Elvis Presley audience, but have an idea he kept that love circle going. Frank Sinatra had it too. He spoke to the audience like everybody in the place was his friend. What those singers have in that way cannot be copied.
I can't help but suspect that there is something to the saying, where two or three are gathered in my name. Last year when we did the same thing, we all felt presence then, too. About the only way I can think of to describe how it felt was a certain clarity in the air with us. He certainly was in each of our hearts at the time. We have a good time honoring Jr in this way. All of us are people who have never done anything like this. And we go at it like it's as perfectly natural a thing to do as getting out of bed in the morning. It makes sense to us, and we're the only ones it matters to. I like my bonds with Jr's relatives and friends since he left the body. They were his gift to me.
Now that I'm looking at hearing God speak in my heart, becoming aware that might be a way of looking at intuition. Now that my life has slowed enough that I'm able to practice the patience needed to stay with the flow of what is going on in and around me. My flow not a race track. I have to be willing to allow the flow and not be afraid to follow it and see where it goes. Being a lover of God and having the Master for my guide, I don't need to worry about anything. No harm will come to me when I'm in my flow. Something like this might have been Jesus' meaning when he was taking Peter for a walk on the water. When he's in his flow he can walk on the water. Though a thought about it, self consciousness, pops the balloon and he sinks. I'm thinking it's the same with my flow. Riding it without thinking about it, all flows smoothly. To start analyzing the flow, thinking about it, talking about it, makes it go away. It's like it can only be allowed. Allow it and let it flow. I'm becoming a little bit practiced at staying with my flow, even in places like airport lobbies.
My flow is awfully slow. I've found when I stay in the slow zone I am able to ride my flow and feel in tune with self and all around me. When I try to go faster than my flow, then my mind goes haywire and confusion sets in. The patience to allow the flow and not try to hurry it is crucial. I had to get out of the job routine to find my flow. I've an idea it began when I came home from looking after Jr so closely for a year, my pillow was molded, the bed musty smelling, and my life was at a standstill. I had no momentum going of my own. I was writing these entries, the one thing that carried over. Instead of deciding by mind how to get my life going again, I let go and went through the days letting what holds my interest be my guide. By now, after a couple years, I have a good flow going that's not pushing me. It's a let-go-let-God flow. Don't worry about it; let it happen. We hadn't made arrangements for a time to meet to go tot he cemetery. I wasn't able by one thing after another to get to their place until around 4, concerned all day about getting in touch with them. They'd gone to Galax, were gone all day concerned about how we're going to arrange to have a drink with Jr. When I drove up, the time was just right. We got in the car and went.
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