YES TO DIVERSITY

helen frankenthaler

A few minutes ago I found the saying from Madeleine Albright concerning women, about a special hell for women who don't help other women. I grew up in the generation before women's liberation. I've enjoyed in my lifetime seeing the liberation of women. Government lets women down every step of the way, but outside the reach of government, out here in the world where we live, I've seen a change sweep through women's culture in the younger generations and it took with the older women too. It is a new self-confidence. In childhood I remember thinking a lot of the women that lived in the neighborhood were really neat people, who turned inward to be a housewife to raise kids and stay married, clean house and cook. I see women now asserting themselves creatively in each one's own way. I see women having girl's night out parties. I see women being friends and not slicing each other to ribbons behind one another's backs. Of course, it goes on. It goes on among men too. It's a human thang. No blame. All the way through school I knew a lot of brilliant girls I felt needed a chance to be their human self and deserved the chance the same as men. I never found girls and women less intelligent than boys and men. Our society needs the influence of the feminine in a bad way. And the feminine is coming in. Joan Jett opened the door to women as rock stars. Then there was Heart, then Patti Smith and Nina Hagen, then L7, Courtney Love and the whole spectrum of rock women are doing now. It's not been so much a "movement" as a shift in belief systems in how women see themselves in relation to their own humanity.  

helen frankenthaler

This word humanity doesn't have the meaning it one time had, either. Or maybe I had a youthful stereotype of humanity from nineteenth century salons. I am not disheartened by humanity seeing the greedy doing what they do, seeing what power does to people who have had a taste of it. We do it all, have done it all, always. It's in us each one, individually. Some of us learn to control our automatic desires, and most watch tv learning daily to satisfy desires whatever the cost. Learning to control the automatic desires is the spiritual path I focus on for myself. I don't believe I have a right to hold anyone else to such attention. Meaningful to me does not mean necessarily meaningful for someone else. Like I can read Wallace Stevens' Idea of Order At Key West and have my mind blown every time. Somebody else would say, It's all right. And somebody else wouldn't be able to make heads nor tails of it. And somebody else would tell me I only see it superficially and maybe give me an in-depth lecture on what's really going on with it. And I'd listen with full attention. I feel like this is a benefit of being a reader in a world of people who don't read. You learn definitively that not everybody is interested in the same thing you are. A good learning. Somebody else is interested in making fiddles. It makes an interesting world that we all have our own likes and dislikes. One does not cancel another. All the different interests weave together into humanity. I'm all for a world that allows everyone their own potential at something besides making money. That too, for the people that need it, but not to have it a necessity for everybody. I have a feeling this is the world we are moving toward in our social evolution as humanity. 

helen frankenthaler

We're in a white man backlash now that the people with black hair and women are becoming self-aware. It's unsettling the white man belief system that has been dominant for 6,000 years. We are seeing the tail end of that era and men are freaking out. Their support systems have abandoned them. Hate radio and hate television rub salt in the white man's wound. I tend to see that a good thing, considering wars are about burning off hate. This hate spewing up among white men has been there all long. It's not new because of Limbaugh. The hate created Limbaugh. The hate has to come to the surface where it can be dealt with. I see these trends among the people, not in government. Government being a white man mafia, government will change last, if religion doesn't come in last. I see us moving toward that overused word diversity. I'm glad it's going that way. I found girls smarter than the guys all the way through school. In adult life, I find women, as a rule of thumb, to be far more intelligent than men. Earlier today driving to town, I heard on NPR somebody had made a study that found women are far better workers than men, concluding women deserve more pay than men. It accorded with what I've observed in my experience along the way. I felt it was a shame when Lois Sheets lost the election some years ago running for sheriff. She would have been a good one, and there would not have been any scandals. Donna Shumate, lawyer in Sparta, is among the most brilliant minds I know. Not saying I'm a collector of brilliant minds, but one stands out from time to time. I worked for Donna for six years and came out of the experience respecting her more than I did going into it, and my respect was considerable then. Men don't have to perform in court pregnant. There are some men I know whose minds I respect, but it's mostly in women I find the minds I respect in the deepest way. I don't mean to be going off into generalizations, but can't help it. 

helen frankenthaler

All my life, from childhood to now, I have observed women to be so much more intelligent than men that the difference is remarkable. American boys tradition has been all the way along to stop learning after puberty. Boys are not taught to be sensitive to the feminine, only to conquer. Rape goes so deep in the male psyche, it's good to see rape coming to the surface as a social concern, where it can be dealt with--more evidence white man is losing the reins of power. The ERA not passing failed to slow down the women's movement. Its time was now, whether government noticed or not. Evidently, now is the time for gay rights to surface. It's one of those things I say, Why hasn't it always been thus? It's as self-evident as women deserving at least equal pay with men, as well as equal opportunity. It's something I don't feel is political. I knew black people all the way through school. I did not find them ignorant. I found them intimidated. Girls had to ditch their intelligence when they started wanting to get married. The black kids knew that doing well in school wasn't going to serve them in any kind of way. They were taken for dumb, came to see themselves dumb, and gave up before they could start. I remember a guy in high school. His name was Leon. We were the same weight and had to wrestle in gym class. He always smelled of liquor. Always wanted me to win because he didn't really want to bother. He kept a pint bottle in his locker. He was a good guy, intelligent guy, didn't do shit in school, didn't finish, and I'd guess either crashed and burned or went into the Army or anything except upwardly mobile. He knew as a black man he had no chance but to be a low-paid laborer, working for the man, would never have any respect outside the bar, never honored for being a man. It rendered him without hope from the beginning. I did not feel right being white around him. I didn't want to hold him down, render him without a chance. I didn't want him thinking I was his superior because my skin was white. This at the time in a teenager's mind when the injustices of the world we're on the verge of diving into loom large.   

helen frankenthaler herself

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DONKEY JENNY FALLS IN LOVE

running wild african ass

A big cloud settled on the mountain today from first light to last. It I was a nice fog, not too dense. I could see the far fence of the donkey meadow, donkeys like soft pastel drawings grazing along the fence. The meadow was circled in white, trees drawn in soft, barely perceptible lines. I went out just before dark when I saw the donkeys at this end of the meadow to take them some carrots and visit with them. Jenny is different again. She walked toward the gate where I was waiting and Jack went on a tear, galloping ahead of Jenny all the way to the fence. The picture above is not Jack, but this is how Jack looks running. It's a smooth gallop that gives the appearance he's floating above the ground. He had radiant happiness in his eyes and his manner. I gave him a chunk of carrot and made his day. Jenny came walking up and reached over the gate for her carrot, showing teeth. It was ok to give Jack carrot first, he arrived first, but she was still annoyed Jack got first carrot. She raised her lip revealing a tier of white, straight, donkey teeth. I don't get much chance for a good look at their teeth, catching a glimpse from time to time. Jenny gave me a good view. It was not an aggressive gesture, just a view of her teeth to show her displeasure, though it didn't seem to be at me, but at the circumstance of arriving for the carrot after Jack. It galled her, but not much. I can't hold a carrot while Jack is expectantly waiting for it and Jenny is taking her time. I can't help it she walked and Jack ran. She knew it. I always give Jenny carrot first, honoring her Alpha status. It's not as easy for her to tear a carrot in half with her teeth as it is for Jack. Somebody had fed carrots to Jack before I knew him. I held first carrot to him and he broke it in half with just the right twist of his teeth. Jenny did not know how to break a carrot. I started tearing the carrots into chunks for Jenny and Jack too. Yesterday two sisters came by to see the donkeys and take some pictures. I took some carrots and let them hand-feed the donkeys, forgetting to note that I break the carrots first. Connie handed the carrot to Jenny and Jenny broke it with her teeth. It must be that by now she has learned how to bite carrots.

 

jenny, connie, jack, grumpy old batarde

photo by chris davis

 

In this picture, Chris was wanting me to kiss Jenny on the nose. I was talking to Jenny, getting her attention. She was enjoying the visitors, but unable to guess what would happen next, a little uneasy with two people she didn't know in the meadow loving up on donkeys. She and Jack have learned when I bring new people into the meadow they get special attention, affection, talked to, touched with adoring human hands. Jenny, here, is comfortable. She was mostly interested in those black mysterious things both women were carrying. She looked at them warily, ready to tear out of there, put some distance between her and them until they started pointing the black things at her. She got it as soon as the women lifted the mystery black objects to their faces. The black unknowns serve the same function of the black box I point at her. I don't think she gets it yet what the black thing does, but it's benign. She never saw anything jump out of it at her, and I've never thrown it at her or hit her with it. She has felt it with her lips that function for donkeys like our fingertips for feeling textures. I let her smell it, hold it, explore it with her curious lips, telling her it's not donkey food. Please don't bite it. She never offered to touch it with her teeth. She got that right away feeling it. I let her examine the camera until she was satisfied. I wanted her to have at least donkey understanding of what that curiosity was I pointed at her so often. My first mountain dog, Sadie, figured out what I was doing. There came a time she would stop and pose when I pointed a camera at her. She did it so consistently, she gave sufficient evidence she understood it involved her visually. I have a feeling Jenny may catch onto what the camera does. It's been a curiosity to her. She has a good mind. She'll figure it out. Jack will get it too. Every time I have brought two or three people to visit with them, the donkeys have experienced humans holding a box up the to their faces, looking at the donkeys and acting like it gives them a good time. If not projecting, I'm seeing in her demeanor the attention affirms her, helps her understand humans. She knows the boxes have something to do with a particularly human kind of attention she doesn't yet understand. It's the Alpha in Jenny that wants to understand. Jack says do what you gotta do. As long as something doesn't jump out of it onto him, he's a happy donkey.

 

jack sez: whatever

I have confidence when I step into the meadow I am safe with both donkeys, even when they're frisky with each other. I stay out of the meadow when Jack is forcing her and she's kicking him, biting at him, Jack taking the back of her neck in his teeth and walking her in a tight circle, around and around until she breaks loose and kicks with both back legs and Jack turns his head aside. I just say, Have at it, tear it up. And stay on my side of the fence. I'm never completely certain about taking people into the meadow. I have noticed Jenny is drawn to women. The woman I bought Jenny from was good to her, was her friend. It felt like I was buying a slave, separating her from her humans and her goat friends, her happy world there. Every woman I've taken into the meadow, Jenny approaches her gently and allows being touched. I tell them Jenny doesn't like to be touched, then Jenny invites them to touch her. Jenny seemed drawn to Chris and Connie. Walked up to them one at a time without any defenses showing. She was comfortable as if she already knew them. She wanted to know them. I've seen her very comfortable with the women she meets. It's like it makes her day to meet another woman. Jack likes the feminine attention to. It seems to relax them both. As soon as I see Jenny isn't going to be getting frisky, kicking at Jack, I stay back and let them visit. I like them to meet new people. Connie complimented my training them to be so gentle. It wasn't training. I didn't train them. This is their nature. I trained them by treating them the way I want them to treat me. I'm gentle with them and in turn they're gentle with me. I've learned along the way that animals, like people, give what they get. I don't hurt them, they don't hurt me. I don't boss them, they don't boss me. I regard them with respect and affection, I get same in turn. A couple days ago I was giving them carrots and talking to them. While Jenny was munching, I said to her after she'd done something that was simply charming, I don't remember what. I said to her, Now I see why Jack loves you so much. She looked at me suddenly with very clear affection, even joy. I saw this in her eye that suddenly appeared so wet I wondered if she might be about to tear. In less than the snap of a finger her eye changed its countenance from dispassionate seeing to joy. She understood every word. It told me she's falling in love with Jack.

 

jenny munching

 

Jenny's mood swings have been hopping all over the place for two months. The last three or four days she has been calm, doesn't get antsy when Jack steps too close. She has a calmer demeanor with me. Day before yesterday she was so quiet I watched her right front leg to see if she'd hurt the ankle again. No. She has a stillness about her. Jack has been aggressive with her the last weeks. After he's had enough getting kicked, he breaks her down. This morning early I was looking out the meadow at them in first light, Jack took hold of the back of her neck with his powerful jaws and was walking her in a circle. Something is going on between them that involves some powerful sexual energy. My feeling is that Jack has learned how to take control of Jenny and stay in control. She's bigger and she's the Alpha, but Jack's libido is bigger than Jenny. Jack is no longer stumped by Jenny's size. It takes some power to bring her down, and I believe Jack has found that level of power in himself. He stays out of her kicking zone when he's not wanting to tear into her and mopes around like a henpecked man. But I know he doesn't care. Part of the game. They suggest he is taking her against her will. Her stillness with Jack the last several days made me wonder. Her response yesterday when I said, I see why Jack loves you so much, the instant change in her eye almost unto a tear of joy flowing over told me she has fallen in love. I've asked her how she felt about Jack in the past. She'd indicate she liked him all right, but it wasn't love. I saw love in her eye yesterday. It was for Jack, not for me. This answers why she has been allowing him first carrot the last few days. She's most often on a tear when Jack stands too close, kicking, snorting, blowing, ears back, biting at his neck. This morning she dove at him with her teeth for getting too close while I was talking to her. Ice cream man was talking to her, not Jack. Carrots gone this morning, Jenny turned to walk back to the meadow. She walked to Jack's pile of droppings and walked right through it. It's the second time I've seen her do that. Jack saw it too. He went to her in a straight line. She walked on and Jack walked beside her. I said, Bye y'all, I'm going to my barn.    

 

jack munching

 

 

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RAPE CULTURE IN AMERICA

isamu noguchi

 

One of the biggest surprises of my life, which really isn't a surprise at all, is seeing the extent of male contempt for women. It seems like it is even more pervasive than racism, in every race. The right wing launch of all-out racism in reaction to an elected President, who happens to be black, is equally obsessed with devaluing women. I'm actually glad to see this fountain of racism that reacted itself to the surface over Obama by way of hate radio and television. The civil rights era never really addressed racism. It was about legal rights for black people like for white people. Racism  was the R-word at the time. It was the word everybody was so tired of hearing and it always popped up, "That's racism!" How did we know you'd say that? A man I once knew, who is long on the other side, watched tv news every day of his adult life with a drink before dinner. Several years ago a new book was published on the civil rights era that was getting attention for being a good read. I gave it to him. When he finished it, he said, "I didn't know any of this happened." Knocked me off my track. I didn't feel like I wanted to read it because I remembered so much of the news from the time and much writing around the issue. All the photographs were familiar. And I know he watched the news more than I did. I didn't even question why he didn't know about any of it. Uninterested. Black people come up on the evening news and mind shifts to someplace else like when a commercial comes on. He also couldn't listen to female talking heads on the news. The female voice was devoid of authority for him, like there couldn't be any knowledge behind it.

 

isamu noguchi

 

The republican right wing white man party has been obsessively making so many laws against a woman's right to be a human being, it's overwhelming to me that the white men of our government hate women so much. Do they really represent the rest of us men? We need studies to prove that rape is epidemic in our time, when it's so obvious, who could question it? Heard on an NPR interview show today, it might have been Diane Rehm, a woman saying seven percent of college boys admit to having raped, and of them two-thirds were serial rapists. Seven percent is seven per hundred. A school with 20,000 students has 700 rapists. Considering the very large number of colleges and universities in the country, rape is a serious problem. Law enforcement says she asked for it, she shouldn'a wore that dress that showed her figure. In a world of people dictated by television an unshapely woman is a pig. Again, male dominated networks and belief system based in advertising where a female figure is a predictable attraction. We have an entire nation where seven percent of the boys are rapists. No telling how many men over 20 are rapists. It's a bigger number than the college boys. The women know, but they can't talk, because in  America when it's a white boy, he was seduced into it. Blame the victim. She got him drunk. If he's black, string him up. Keep white girls safe for white rapists. I was driving back from town today hearing a woman whose name I don't remember talking about this problem and my jaw dropped to the metaphorical floor when she mentioned the seven percent statistic. Seven doesn't sound like much of a percentage, but multiply it by all the schools in the land and rape is a national epidemic not being addressed. This is an expression of collective male fear of women that is masked as contempt. Of course, it's not all men. I'm dwelling on the seven percent, not the other 93. Why don't the 93 say to the 7, cut it out, asshole? Indifference.

 

isamu noguchi

 

I heard another statistic later in the day that increasing numbers every year of women are not getting married. I saw a cartoon on the subject: Why buy the pig when all you need is a little sausage? Since I've become aware of the serious social problem of the male fear of women, it makes me question my colleagues in gender all the more. I came from the world of that mind, white man mind, grew up in it, learned it, unconsciously lived by it in the early years. Not rape mind, but fear of women mind. Rape is an expression of fear of women, same as sex play with children. An awful lot of us grow up in families where daddy talks down to mommy, where grandpa talks down to grandma, and the women have no recourse. I've thought about the question of next lifetime, how would I like to have a female experience next time? No way! I thought of what women go through subject to men, especially the intelligent woman married to an ignorant man who rules her with his ignorance and she has to learn with her intelligence how to live with it and not dry up into ashes. I'm not proud of being male. White man has made a fool of himself for an awful number of centuries. I grew up among boys as one of them, learned the culture as one of them. I was not one of the boys that believed dying for my country was honorable. I thought it was just dead. I wanted to live my life, not be killing other guys my age deluded into believing for rich white men who cared nothing about me or them.  Why should I care enough about them to die for them? They wouldn't die for me. Didn't have a choice. The draft made the decision for me. Authoritarians just have to look at me to know I am the enemy. I tend not to give authoritarians my power. They hate it. I go about my way.

isamu noguchi

In my lifetime in a world that is half men and half women, I have found the more intelligent people I know are women. The men are way down the scale in relation to the women. Another epidemic in our time is young women with one, two or three kids, divorced from a guy who needed anger management training and never got it, living in HUD housing, working a full time job for minimum wage, taking night classes at the community college, kids in daycare, and at home has to turn them over to the television. How many men can do that? Working class women all over the country are living in this situation, a large number of them. They get taken advantage of by landlords, mechanics, employers. The ex husband works, lives in a trailer unable to take care of himself in any way, drinks himself to sleep in front of the tv at night, and pays a great chunk of his pay in child support. It's hard enough for them to give up so much of their pay they have nothing left over, but the guy couldn't take care of kids, nurture them, give them affection, and live in poverty working all the time too. It's difficult both ways. The girls in this situation with kids our Christian society wants to throw out with the trash. Believe it or not, the American way is and always has been to hate the poor. It hasn't been until the last several years that I've seen the white reactionary male politician, cloaked in Bible, so dead set on denying women basic human rights. I did not see that coming. I've come to believe collective misogyny was under the carpet of denial with racism, needed bringing out in the open, and now is that time. I see a consciousness waking up in women all over the country now. It's been going on for awhile, since the Seventies. I've been reeling from these rape statistics I heard this morning, seeing the sorry state of the American male consciousness. It makes me ashamed.

isamu noguchi

 

 

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RACIAL PROFILING WHITE MEN

A question that is lurking in the minds of about everybody I know, a varied pie slice of the social spectrum, is basically, why are we humans so mean to one another? That question is universal and goes all the way back. The question now has more to do with why do so many people dislike other people in America the land of the free. Random shootings that happen somewhere in the US every day are rather poignant expressions of contempt for others. That the shooter is satisfied with random kills, nobody in particular in mind, says the shooter is killing "people." He hates people. There is a lot of that going around, and it looks like the problem is a very real one with white men. White men are freaking out. The rush on AKs by white men all over the country after a school shooting is so alarming that it ought to be setting off alarms. If this is a picture of contemporary white man thinking, I repeat, white men are freaking out. None of our corporate news sources, including NPR, have noticed anything to do with racial profiling these surprise random slayings in public. In a time when war is characterized by terrorism, random slayings of women, children, old people, anybody, dogs, camels, collateral damage, it's looking like white men are mad at the world and everybody in it. If you're in the wrong place at the wrong time then it's your time to go or get a leg or arm blown off, blinded or deaf for life.

American borders are tightly monitored keeping terrorists out. It's looking like we have homeland terrorists. In law enforcement they say they don't know where it will happen next, but they know it will happen. Little towns, big cities. I have friends with children who are anxious for their kids in case a random school killing happens in the classroom with their kids. All the kids are somebody's kids. White men are now a racial profile for terrorism. This will require bringing home all the troops from around the world to shut down armed white men, and they're already traditionally set against the black men and the Latin men. Police state will create more crime and that will lead to something like they do in Africa, armed rebels vs the police and army. I hesitate to go to that extreme in visioning, but it looks more and more inevitable every day. It's got to where seeing it any other way amounts to denial. But that's just looking at it from how it appears now. Everything changes. It may change for the worse or the better. The momentum at present looks like it's toward the worse. My question is what has happened to make white men freak out so incredibly. It doesn't help to say that these are men with mental issues and they snapped. In the whole collective of white men, it would be the mentally weak ones to snap first. That's where the chain breaks, the weakest link.

How long have we had hate radio? Thirty years or almost? It started as a kind of trend that sold ads, sometimes they went too far, and when they did step way over the line of decency, they sold more ads, got call-ins for ads. Reagan kicked off the right wing contempt for liberals, which Limbaugh and the whole Faux News team ran with and got working class white men frothing at the mouth with drama of hate for whatever sensible person it might be at the moment, the "black" president and the educated woman, Hilary. Elizabeth Warren is setting herself up to be the next intelligent woman target from the white male hate machine. It's looking like she has what it takes. These two women are like WW2 bombers flying into enemy territory; they need a lot of fighter escorts, bodyguards, a staff of strategists, ball-turret gunners, fund-raisers and what have you. I believe the Dalai Lama was onto something when he said Western women will be the ones to save us from ourselves. Who knows Western men better than Western women? Western men got us onto this race course to our collective undoing. I suppose what the Dalai Lama said means the women have what we need now. Good. Hilary Clinton, Elizabeth Warren look like a pretty strong front line. The first influential women have to be able to stand up to the men with power, like Warren has exhibited what she can do and does very well, and Hilary has shown her feet on the ground too. And the women don't have so much hate in them. That's a refreshing aspect of women. Women don't carry so much hate, unless for particular reasons that can't be forgiven.

Considering that everybody watches tv daily, uses it for source of information like what flu medicine is the BEST and which car is the BEST and which tire is the BEST and what detergent, what burger, what false eyelashes, an endless list. The news we hear every day is the worst things happening in the world that day. Sometimes on NPR you'll get a day-in-the-life 5 minutes of somebody's real life that isn't anything like on tv, an uplifting moment of people as we are, not as we're falsely represented by MAD Ave. If it bleeds, it leads, the journalist's pocket fortune cookie that works a hundred percent. Syrian army is destroying entire neighborhoods, targeting children, has gone to war on its own people. In Egypt Spring they're finding Mubarak wasn't all that bad. Every day we get our heads filled with these images and sounds of killing from everywhere in the world. That's the "news." If it doesn't bleed, it doesn't lead. Back pages or no room for it. Random assassinations going on all over the country. Hollywood movies are about shutting down the mind. They're lullabies with explosions and guns going off and gun threats, killing like it's the latest hot thing to do. They're hypnotic in the way they put the viewer to sleep and show the story like a dream by hypnotic suggestion. That's the nature of our pop culture in everyone's homes, some more than others.

Seeing what television is doing to the American people makes me really glad, I mean really glad that I do not watch one. I like to see one every once in awhile to see what the people I live among are believing at the moment. I learned long ago that when "everybody" is doing something, like dressing alike, using the same slang terms, like when there is a copy-cat trend to get featured on the evening news killing several people then oneself, the one thing "everybody" is doing is watching television. It's the mind that is coming through the television. It is breaking down all the beliefs in our belief systems. It evidently has enraged white men, the racists among white men. Just because we have laws about equal this and that, and black people are everywhere on tv and acceptable, and gay people are all over the tv and the latest new thing this year, it doesn't mean the racists among the white people have changed. They just don't watch those tv shows and they grimace during the commercials. Something to gripe about. Like Michael Moore said, "If guns keep us safe, America would be the safest country on earth." And Frank Zappa has said, "If pop music influenced people's behavior, we would all love one another."

We're in a time where we like such generalizations about "people," because people are stupid, people are idiots. We're quick to call somebody stupid or an idiot or an asshole in this time. A little too quick for my comfort. We're not allowed to say any of those working class slang terms that are politically incorrect. It's all right, however, to say, He's an idiot, or He's an asshole or He's stupid. It's in the middle class I hear these assessments according to intelligence levels. Working class is more interested in the physical than the mind. The working class talk in anti-political correctness language all the more because the middle class has made a taboo of the long list of forbidden PC words. It's funny for me that one set of people I spend time with get all prune-faced over certain words and another set of people I spend time with use those words to where they make chances to say them. They're hilarious. They're comedy. When I'm with the people that get old-baptist-pious-disapproval over certain key words, I have to laugh inside, because when I'm with my other friends we use all those words as much as we can, laughing like crazy, watching the race on the Faux channel. When it comes to gettin-er-done, them boys know how to do it. My thinking about those cars went way high up when I heard that a racing motorbike doesn't have a chance against one of the nascar racers. I can see it now, but never thought of it before.


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