Over the weekend, an update took over the computer while I was uploading a video to facebook, which I had to do again after the unwanted update nullified it. Since the update, no sound. Next, an hour of mental/emotional torment. I went to HP support in the computer and got so much confusion, words I don't understand in sentences I can't make anything of. No number to call. I went to google and found an HP support number. I'm connected with India, English as a second language. Talk with one, answer questions. Connected with another one asking the same questions. Sent to another who asked the same questions. To find model number and serial number, I have to pick the laptop up, turn it over without touching anything, get a flashlight and glasses to read the miniscule black-on-black print while holding the phone. He can help me. Fifty dollars. "I'll do without sound. Good-bye." Next, I say every cuss word I know in multiples, so frustrated I want new words. I don't know where the update came from, assuming windows. Maybe I'll call windows tech support and see if they'll fix what they unfixed. If I knew how to undo updates, I'd undo it.
I'm recalling in youth, entering the world of jobs, I was taught that in business you don't take anything personally. It's all about money. No room for feelings or emotions. Get over it, whatever it is. I despised this aspect of the Capitalist system since my beginning. The one thing I learn over and over, deny my feelings. I want to raise hell and fuss, but who is going to hear it? There is no accountability all the way to CEO. Frustration without recourse I learned to live with so long ago and so repeatedly, I've got it, but still don't like it. Who's going to hear it? Somebody in India. Who is going to care? Nobody. Why do I think it beneficial that somebody might care? It's not. I have to pay because a corporation too-big-to-fail screwed me over and another corporation too-big-to-fail wants to screw me again. Do I have a choice? Yes. Do without sound until I can take it to a friend who fixes computers. Maybe he'll only want twenty dollars. Maybe I'll set aside two hours for question answering in near future and call windows support to ask them to undo the last update, or tell me how. Decided to call windows. To cut it short, I asked upfront how much it's going to cost. Eighty dollars. This is how I learn to do without sound on my computer. What a bunch of shit.
I will make it a point to enjoy this break from sound. I give too much time to listening to a talk by Noam Chomsky, Bill Maher's political comedy, Bill Moyers interviews, Young Turks, Democracy Now interviews and music of all varieties. I'll use this opportunity to disconnect further from the world of other people's concerns. When Al Sharpton is taken for a respectable source, I don't need any more input from corporate media that presents him as if credible. Some people follow fire trucks, Al Sharpton follows tv cameras. No more Rachel Maddow. I listen to her less and less, weary of the continuous urgency in her tone of voice, appealing to me to worry, get angry. I take Don't Worry ~ Be Happy and reverse it, Worry ~ Don't Be Happy, all the answer I need. I like to listen to a Chris Hedges interview, but they most often provide the text. Hedges and Chomsky don't inspire worry. They give me credible assessments from their extensive research. They don't follow the press emotionally. I'll take this as opportunity to alter patterns of behavior toward less concern about people and events beyond my immediate interest.
I sent an email to microsoft tech support contact, reporting customer abuse. It's the same as nothing going nowhere, though provides a tiny speck of a glimmer of illusion of satisfaction, I got them told. Then laugh at self for so little being so important. This incident serves as an example of corporate indifference inspiring anger. Corporate government equals police state. Abuse. American cops kill a thousand impoverished citizens a year without question, like it is their right, their role, and we acquiesce. Driving, I think, why am I so paranoid, and I'm not black? Oh yeah, I forget, the land of the free, free to be beaten or killed by a cop for walking on a sidewalk, being at home when cops break down the door to the wrong house, or call the cops for help. All the more reason to stay at home, not that home is safer than anywhere else, since the Supreme Court decision a few weeks ago saying the cops don't need a reason to break down my door and blow me and my cat away. The same Supreme Court put an end to democracy fifteen years ago. Now microsoft has cut off my sound and wants eighty dollars to turn it back on.
robert morris by robert morris