FULL MOON RAMBLE

gerhard richter, green, blue, red

In the mountain people, I like the blind support of their own for no matter what. I've been thinking recently about something two of Jr Maxwell's friends told me on the day his spirit left the body. At two different times, "You get into any kind of trouble, all of Whitehead will back you up." It was told in a way that was convincing, simply stated. That has been one of the great honors of my life. I move into a tight mountain community when I was 34, so in the second half of my life I worked in the mountains in the world of the mountain people, learning their ways. It was precisely what I wanted, to move to another culture that I I found in Alleghany, my piece of the mountain pie. I came with the vow to myself that I will not live among farming people with the attitude that I'm here to teach them what is important from a city point of view. I'm here to learn from them. I paid close attention from first day, wanting to learn the culture from the inside. I don't feel it necessary to dive in and change who I am just to identify more totally with people I can never be completely one of. It would be pretentious to make any attempt to be other than who I am. My answer to why is I see no other way to be in the world, not of the world without being nonconformist/unconventional in every way.

I'm not "in every way." Fact is, I'm terrifically conventional in many ways. I call it camouflage. With a conventional verneer I can live in the world among the people around me and not stand out too much for negative attention. Less visible that way. Probably learned it from parents where nothing about who I am was valid, so I kept it to myself and pretended I was the mold of their intent. Playing pretend for camouflage. Nothing I did living with them was ever right and I knew it would never be right in my adult life, so I left them and went as far as land allowed to have distance between me and their Baptist judgment. My way or the highway. I took the highway. The arrogance of believing I have the only correct answer there is because I go to a certain church and the preacher sez is ludicrous in a denigrating way. This last election got on my last nerve with the absolutism of the so-called Christians. They are not Christians. They are Churchists. Christians have compassion for the poor and help them out. American "Christians" want to take social security and medicare away from everybody. I maintain they should have their social security and medicare revoked and leave the rest of us be. If you don't approve, don't do it. Leave the rest of us alone

Missionarism is the greatest probelm I have with Christendom, besides the absence of use for the poor: it's their fault, let them suffer, they're losers. The preachers want to take the Bible, esp the Old Testament, and make it literal. The part they consitently overlook and read around, under and over is God is love. Three words is pretty easy to interpret. Love is a four-letter word not to be spoken in church. God hates fags! No God doesn't. The one hating is the one holding the sign. God doesn't mind if we project our hate onto God. It's delusional, but if that's how you have to see it, love allows. Go ahead, believe what you gotta believe. It's like the way a river receives mud and the clear water becomes like chocolate milk. The noise from the Christian-right has nothing to do with love, as far as I can tell from my experience.

My Baptist mother tells me I must believe in Satan. Too much focus on Satan has turned the Baptist religion to a religion of hate. They fell for the same lure that got John Milton. Satan became a much more interesting character than God. He's glamorous like a pope draped in silk and adorned by gold jewelry. Or a television evangelist with fake hair andgold spigots in the bathroom. It's so much easier to preach fear of hell than love for others and helping the poor, having a compassionate attitude toward all. I can't say I've ever known a non Christian as judgmental as anyone going about announcing their Christian faith, and the only thing they're telling me is they're republicans. Cementheads. Somebody really on the spiritual path does not go about telling it. It's nobody else's business to somebody actually on the path. And people really on the path never go about shouting God hates anything.

The interface on the blogger site tonite has pushed me to stop. I can't struggle with this any longer. Write a phrase and the cursor goes away, computer locks for about 15 seconds, then if I don't type a phrase right away, the cursor goes away and I have to wait for it to come back. It is necessary to end struggling with it. This is the NEW-IMPROVED interface.


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