Thursday, May 5, 2011

THE BLUE RIDGE IN MY HEART

spring lizard creek



For several days my mind has been dwelling on my love for the South. It's hard to define the South in an all-inclusive way, because cultures in the South vary as much as accents. Same language, same bigger culture, but subtle differences from one section of a state to another. Subtle differences, but differences the older people who knew the various accents, where they came from, named where the speaker was from. Now, however, accents in the South are homogenizing with the rest of the country through television and radio, pop music. It's the nature of the change we're going through together as a nation. Southern accents are not nearly as unique as they used to be. A man I know from over around Ararat, Virginia, across the state line from Mount Airy, my age, and he still has a strong accent from that region of Virginia. It's a beautiful accent, like the accent around Lynchburg. Hoose for house.



In my early years in the mountains I listened to the old people talk and it was music. It's still music in my ears, but the people with the old accents are all gone. The older people now have less of an accent. I arrived here in 1976, my neighbor, Tom Pruitt was 72, born 1904. Electricity came through here in the mid 40s, so that put him over 40 when he started using electricity. Knowing Tom, it was for no more than a few lightbulbs, if any. He built bathroom on the side of the house and 16 years later connected it to water. He never put up a shower curtain. Kept a mop outside the shower stall, and when he finished a shower, he mopped the floor. He never once drove a tractor. He was afraid of them, knew of too many men killed by them. Tom paid attention. When every year somebody you know gets killed on a tractor, it tells you something if you pay attention.



Tom's accent was thick. From the first time I talked with him, I understood him clearly. It may have been that I was so enchanted by talking with a Blue Ridge Mountain hillbilly, the real deal, hillbilly itself. I couldn't get enough of listening to him. He had opinions that were a bit antique. Like, "Why do they want to put a bomb on the moon? Th'aint nothin up there. The Bible says the moon is just a light. You can't drop a bomb on a light." I sometimes regret that I never wrote down the things Tom said, his stories he told me over 14 years. It didn't feel right at the time. Our conversation was man to man, what he said was meant for me. I thought about recording him talk many times, but it would make it artificial. It's like an observer changes outcomes. I felt like the spirit of our conversation would be less authentic recorded. I felt like making notes toward telling his story would be using him to my own gain, which I have always been unable to do.



It was the same with his brother, Millard, the Regular Baptist preacher. His language so beautiful to my ears. Hearing him preach in the old-time mountain way in-the-spirit was as good as music. He was a good singer too. He had the kind of singing voice that if he hadn't been called to preach, he'd have been a fiddler, banjo picker and guitar picker who sang the old songs beautifully. Since he was called to preach, he sang the old hymns beautifully. He kept the fiddle, banjo and guitar at home. They had no place in the church house. He played the fiddle for me a few times and it was the old-old-time sawing, 2 strings at a time, the particular squawk that is the sound of these mountains, like the steel guitar is the sound of country music. It's a sound that is precious to the mountain ear, and totally inaccessible to an outsider. Unless it's an outsider like me who wanted to learn the mountain culture, at least well enough to get around in it. I don't dare ask for more than that. That's plenty. Mountain culture is something nobody from outside can entirely get. You have to be born here to understand it, then it's nothing to understand, because it's just life. As in the Tao, the only way to know it is not to know it.



The singing in Elder Millard Pruitt's church was to my ear what heaven must be. With high ceilings, lamps that hung down by chains from the ceiling, the acoustics in the place were perfect for singing. The sound in the place could not have been better. Millard leading the singing and Eura Lee Phipps repeating every phrase in her high hillbilly voice could bring me to tears just hearing it. At Tom's funeral, Harold Church, Tom's cousin and the undertaker, picked all the good old-time singers as they came in and put them in 3 rows in front of where I was sitting. Tom wanted 3 songs sung at his funeral, and when it came that time, the people in those rows stood and sang the songs, Eura Lee repeating the phrases. I'd bawled my eyes out for a half hour the day before, and went to the funeral assuming I'd got all that done. When those people started singing, I was so overwhelmed, it started all over again. I leaned forward and let the tears fall to the floor between my feet. Didn't think to bring a rag. The tears made a puddle.



It's the most beautiful church music I've heard. No instruments, no bang-bang piano chords, but slow, meditative singing, slow enough to pay attention to the words and think about their meaning. It's a cultural tendency for us to look at another time and think them backward because they might believe the earth is flat, that nobody ever went to the moon, that a man is the king of his castle, that old early American stuff, individualism that we think of as obsolete and over, like the Constitution after the Bush administration. Among the older people I knew who spent the first half of their lives in the old way, not one of them was ignorant in any way. I found them to be among the most intelligent people I've known, which includes several college grads and some with advanced degrees. When it comes to intelligence, some of the farmers had it in abundance. Still do. They may not know much about American poetry or Southern literature, but they can interpret the Bible in ways that you shudder from the crystal clarity of it, one can put up a wire fence without a bit of slack in the wires, which is no easy accomplishment, something you have to learn. They learned it when they were children. They know human character and behavior impressively well. I saw immediately there is no fooling any of these people in any way. I never set out to, and it's a good thing, because I'd have only failed.



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Tuesday, May 3, 2011

TORNADO ALLEY OF THE MIND

wall



Forecast of rain all day, sunny and warm until evening. The mountains shook and the boulders rolled. The potato wagon in the sky dumped its load and potatoes rumbled all the way to the horizon. Big rain all at once. Big wind. BAM!!! Lightning with only a second between flash and thunder. Then hail clinking on the windows, bouncing off the roof, heavy rain with balls of ice mixed in, crunchy rain. The ground suddenly white. The new leaves battered and thrashed. Some of the green things will be set back a week or 2, but the flora indigenous to these mountains are not damaged much by varieties of natural disasters. They're hardy. Gardens might have been hurt, but I don't know of many gardens set out yet. They're laid out, but we're not yet done with frosts. I don't recall this much hail before. We've had hail every 10 or so years, and now 2 in a week of each other.



Tornadoes aren't afraid of the mountains either. Trailers aren't safe anywhere when tornadoes are lurking about. I don't know what the attraction is, but I just figure God doesn't like trailers. Tornadoes are called Acts of God by insurance corporations, so it's God doing it. He doesn't like trailers. I've seen it all my life. A lot of other places get it too, but it's time and again a minor tornado hits trailers. Next day's news, pictures of trailer walls flat on the ground. Kansas and Oklahoma used to be tornado alley, but now tornado activity is in the flat cornfield regions over to the the Mississippi and the other side in Illinois, Indiana, Kentucky, now Arkansas.



North Carolina is known for a tremendous amount of tornado activity, as a rule. In Wichita Kansas, sophomore in high school, we had a tornado alert and went to the basement. After awhile of hearing nothing, I opened to trap door on the outside of the house to see what I could see. The sky was an eerie green. It wasn't an optical illusion either. It was like seeing the sky through a green filter. It was obvious green. Unforgettably strange to look at. The tornado never got there. It terrorized another part of town nearby.



That was 1957, the time of SciFi movies, the really cheesy 50s SciFi movies. This Island Earth, The Day of the Triffids, They Came From Outer Space. There was a long string of them. I saw several in theaters, the only way you could see them. In the same time as those films came High School Confidential, Jerry Lee Lewis, also Bill Haley & the Comets, their movie, Don't Knock the Rock. It was so, so cool to see Bill Haley & Comets in the big screen jamming like they did. And later in my Jr year in high school, it was all the more cool when I saw Bill Haley & Comets LIVE in the Alan Freed Rock & Roll Show that travelled around from city to city. Little Richard appeared in Jane Mansfield's movie, The Girl Can't Help It, doing it so right on the grand piano when Little Richard was at his peak. That was 50s teen movies in b&w. I checked out High School Confidential from netflix maybe a year ago. It was a whole lot worse than I remembered. Jerry Lee wasn't in it at all, except when the credits rolled he was on a float in a high school pep parade lip-syncing High School Confidential.



Evidently I associate tornadoes with early rock & roll because it was in the time of early rock & roll that I was living in Tornado Alley, Kansas. I had the good fortune never to see one. Like when I came to the mountains, my most fervent prayer was that I never see a rattlesnake. 35 years later, I never have seen one. Prayer works. A preacher told me when I was a kid in Kansas that God doesn't answer those kinds of prayers. Rather than believe him, I suspected his validity as a preacher if he didn't know that about God. This was after I'd told him of a time recently I'd been playing catch and lost my baseball. Couldn't find it. I asked God to help me find it, I couldn't have been more than 10, and right after the prayer I went straight to it. He told me God wasn't answering my prayer. I didn't pay attention to anything he said after that. He died to me as somebody who might know something about God.



Fundamentalism in Kansas. Hard core church. Unfinished cinderblock square building built by the preacher, his project for doing it the way we could afford it. About a dozen people went. Max maybe 20. Slam-bang honky tonk piano, no music at all, just percussion chords, bang-bang-bang, Victory in Jesus my Savior forever.... It was church over-kill at our house. Every Sunday and 5 nights a week. Rock & roll was what I had that was my own. Parents hated it, preacher hated it, everybody at church hated it, all adults at school hated it, all adults hated it, generally. Adults hated rock & roll in that time far worse than they hated rap. It was called Communist and was said to infect the youth. My parents made certain I understood rock & roll will never last. Frank Sinatra and Glenn Miller will last. That was 55 years ago.



These are my associations with tornadoes, place and time they concerned me. Cheesy movies, plus, mustn't forget Cecil B DeMille's casts of millions, cinemascope, big budget Bible movies, 3-D movies such as The Charge At Feather River, Indians riding horses over me and shooting arrows at me sitting on the front row gaping at Indians through 3-D. Even had 3-D comic books. My mother allowed me to find my way by city bus to theaters to see a movie. A theater was about a mile from the house, easy walking distance, and one was about a mile from my grandparents' house where stayed summers in high school. Movies came to be my own private world early in childhood. In a movie theater nobody was bothering me. I was by myself having my own good time seeing movies like 20,000 Leagues Beneath the Sea, starring James Mason. My favorite actress of the time, Claudette Colbert. She was so lovely. She probably looked like mommy.



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Monday, May 2, 2011

SAYONARA OSAMA


on the rocks



Today there was only one subject every time I turned on the radio: taking Osama out, all the way out. Last night I turned in at 5 minutes to 1. Turned on the bedside radio to hear 5 minutes of news at 1, since I hadn't listened to any all day. Already, news voices talking excitedly, I got it right away something was up. Otherwise, it would have been classical music through the night. They were telling about a big crowd at the White House, 1am, and big crowd at Ground Zero. Sound from both places was celebratory, like at a football game, the evil one is dead. I had a hard time with that. If I'd lived in NY or DC, it would never have occurred to me after hearing the news of the day to leave the house and go to the White House to holler and yell outside the fence. Nor would it occur to me in NY to head for Ground Zero ready to party. What if nobody else went? Who thinks to run out of the house in pajamas to celebrate the end of Osama in a big crowd? Evidently a lot of people.



There has been talk on the radio all day, opinions pro and con celebrating somebody getting killed. In war, that's what it's about. Osama bin Laden was at war with the USA, a war of his own making. You don't go blowing up other people's property and expect nothing in return. He knew they'd get him one day. My feeling last night and today has been almost neither here nor there. In the big game of important people, he was riding the wave as Most Wanted. It must have been frightfully satisfying for his ego to have his name known round the world, as famous as the American President. Some people get their kicks in odd ways.



I didn't have much feeling when I heard the news that he'd been "killed." Did they ever wear that word out. I can't wait to see the action movie. But Hollywood would make another of the multi-star action pics of Stallone, VanDam, Seagal and Jacky Chan. It would be the worst movie of the year, but it would box office in the billions. I'd like to see it done a documentary by an independent director. In a few years netflix will have it, whatever it is. There will be several documentaries, Commando Action in Pakistan. Surely a book is already being written. It should be an interesting read. I find I have no passion about bin Laden, for or against. It's like hearing a mafia boss was shot. Another takes his place. Choose certain ways of life around killing and chances are you won't die of old age. That's the thrill of it. Testosterone rushes. A bullet in the head. He didn't even see the flash from the barrel following the exit of the bullet, didn't hear a thing.



I couldn't get excited about him when he lived, one way or the other. It never occurred to me to celebrate or feel any sorrow. He was a player, by choice. I can't get aroused to holler and cheer that the evil one has been killed, not that I feel any sorrow. I found myself curious for details, how they went about it and what happened. Eighteen foot walls. The Arabian Sea is the full length of Pakistan from where they found bin Laden, meaning they took the body to someplace in Afghanistan, got DNA samples, had it tested, took photographs and made other positive IDS, probably fingerprints too. It was a major flight to the Sea where they dumped him. Just like in an action movie. Great ending. The fish and crabs have probably picked his bones about clean by now. 



I have no concern for him for the same reasons I have no concern for Cheney or Rummy. They're all about killing innocent people, crippling children for life; whichever side their allegiance is with happens to be God's favored side. Simultaneous with hearing of the killing, I saw a mental picture memory from YouTube of Saddam's hanging. The Iraq war was started, according to propaganda, to get and get rid of Saddam. When they caught him, it was incidental. By then the war was with the Iraqi people and executing him was merely a campaign promise. I can't accuse bin Laden of multiple deaths and feel like there's anything to it when my side is responsible for a whole hell of a lot more deaths and misery. When it comes to who is Mr Evil, I doubt Osama is out very far ahead, if indeed ahead, of Cheney, Rummy, Bush and Rice when it comes to who is most deserving. Might put a few of the Supremes in the running too.



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Sunday, May 1, 2011

WINE TASTING RAMBLE

 the party

selma and rafael


Friday night I skipped the Front Porch show to go to Selma's last Friday of the month wine tasting. Missed Jimmy Zeh's banjo and humor, but I've seen him a few times and recorded him a good bit. As I want to go to the Front Porch every Friday night, sometimes I feel like going to something else that happens on a Friday night. It's a loyalty to Selma and the regulars at her coffee shop that drew me to the wine tasting, because so many people kept reminding me. It's as much a matter of support from my side, and from the other side a good time with friends. I believe in supporting my friends in whatever they do, within reason, and all my friends are people I could call rational at least to some degree.



I don't ask for too much rational. Don't want too much rational for myself. It's good, it has an important place, but the irrational has a place too. I like to allow for the irrational in myself and others. It sure helps my understanding of history to accept the irrational as perhaps even more powerful than the rational. Whatever, I like to leave room for both in my world, in my life. Maybe it helps me to justify major irrational decisions in earlier life, to allow irrational its due. Rational is boring, ultimately. Few surprises there. I like the occasional surprise. Not necessarily the surprise that says the car needs a new fuel pump. But those wonderful moments that come out of the blue with no scientific explanation, meaning in the rational mind it didn't happen, but I'd have missed them if I restricted myself to only that which makes sense.



Spiritual experiences since I discovered that God indeed Is and opened to origin, the source of all being and non-being, opened to a universal consciousness that goes way beyond blowing my mind, that baffles me so much it makes me stop thinking about it, which turns out to be the only way to receive it.
The saying comes to mind, "You get what you want after you stop wanting it." I've seen that happen so much in myself and others I know that by now I'm used to it. Somebody talking about an experience might say, Isn't that weird? And I keep my thought to myself, No. Usually, I'll shrug my shoulders, liking to stay out of such conversations, because there's nothing that can be said. It's beyond words, beyond comprehension.



A few nights ago, I watched Peter Greenaway's film, NIGHTWATCHING, a story of Rembrandt, a contemporary of Johnny Appleseed. At the end of the film in special features, I found some interviews with Greenaway about the film. The final thing he had to say was Rembrandt had come to see human existence a matter of sex and death, everything comes down to that. I turn off the movie, eject the disk, go to the computer, turn it on, go to email, something from Edwin Lacy. He wrote, "By the way, you know everything is just sex and death don't you? Everything." The time it took to eject the disk and get the computer going was the span of time between the two. What can I say? What can I do? Nothing. How do I attempt to interpret it? All I can see is it was necessary at that moment for me to get it. Why? I'm not even going to ask. 



It was beyond coincidence. To be able to receive it, I must let go of rational mind and allow just whatever comes along. I believe with conviction it was something I needed to hear, and then to hear again, stressing it. Like the hand of God came into my space and pointed at it, saying, Pay attention to this. This is how I have found the spirit I can only call God communicates with me. Before I caught on, I missed several, one very crucial one I regret my entire life, but since catching on, it's like communicating with Caterpillar now that we're learning each other's body language, eye language, the forms of communication without spoken language. Communication with the spirit doesn't have eye language or body language. It's subtle. I've found the spirit of what I call God gets something across to me by one way or another from sources I'd never anticipate, surprises, out of the blue. Something somehow radiates what might be called a golden glow in the mind's eye, resonance such it gets my attention and says, Pay attention to this. It's for you. Now.



These experiences are not good to talk about, because putting them into words makes them appear irrational; therefore, unscientific; hence, invalid, ridiculous. And then the one with the experience begins to doubt the experience, and like Peter walking on the sea with Jesus thought about what he was doing and sank. It's definitely not of the mind. I hear people at the coffee shop talk about such things that are important to a lot of people like whether or not there's something to atheism. I had a period of time in the life I called atheist, but it turned out to be a gestation period where I did a lot of thinking. By the time I realized, again from out of the blue, the spirit of God had indeed put his hand on my shoulder and said, I'm with you. Not in words. The experience was so convincing that to ignore it would have been to turn around and go backwards into the attitude toward life I was needing to transcend, to get beyond or out of, whichever. Ignorance, I'll call it. Not that I'm anything but ignorant now, but not like then. 



I think of the emptiness I felt within during that period of the life when my rational mind wanted to rule. I don't try to convert atheists, because I figure it's a step along their way too, clearing out the old, making way for the new. New bottles for new wine. So it went at the wine tasting, everyone in clusters talking about sex and death, naming neither, in long animated conversations. Everyone knew each other and everyone was comfortable. We're all very different people, different kinds of people, different nationalities, religions, races, interests. Looking at us like circles, we all intersect at least a little bit with each other as circles. It's a lively, in motion atmosphere of a comfortable number of people, all of them friends partying, Selma's earthmama arms embracing everyone. 



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